To begin with I love this description of trauma by Lynn Margolies, PH.D., a psychologist and former Harvard Medical School faculty and fellow.
“The essential psychological effect of trauma is a shattering of innocence. Trauma creates a loss of faith that there is any safety, predictability, or meaning in the world, or any safe place in which to retreat. It involves utter disillusionment.”
For many people, a faith transition contains deeply traumatic experiences including fears of abandonment by family and friends, a sense of betrayal by religious authorities, and in all to many cases actual spiritual abuse. For those who have been through such an experience, watching someone they deeply identify with (which has been my experience watching John Dehlin and Kate Kelly) be betrayed by the religion that they were raised in can be extremely emotional and painful. Here are a few symptoms of trauma that might be re-experienced (adapted from Lynn Margolies' excellent article).
Re-experiencing: You may find yourself having intrusive memories or flashbacks to events or emotions associated with your own experience. This may also involve nightmares or re-experiencing physical symptoms associated with your traumatic event.
Hyperarousal: When exposed to a powerful trigger that reminds you of your own traumatic event, your physiology is aroused. You might have difficulty sleeping or concentrating, you might find yourself more frequently angry or agitated. You may also experience hypervigilance (exaggerated reactions to cues that you are in danger). Normally when dealing with this you might like to check it out with your loved ones, but if they are on the opposite side of the faith fence from you, their reactions may only intensify your painful emotional state.
Numbing: In some cases you might also experience emotional numbing, feeling like you are on autopilot, or disconnected from the vitality of life. This is a defense mechanism your mind might use to escape the pain of re-experiencing the trauma. You may find yourself avoiding thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma, feeling depressed, or disconnected from the people around you.
All of this is a normal reaction to traumatic events, or to a powerful trigger that brings up traumatic experiences from the past. Be gentle with yourself. Know that this is normal and unless it is a chronic problem, it will likely pass. Take good care of yourself. Give yourself some breathing room. Find yourself a supportive person who will listen in a nurturing way and talk about what you are feeling. Avoid conversations that leave you feeling abandoned or betrayed by those you love. Recognize that you are having an emotional reaction that is normal, but that it may seem out of proportion to some of the people around you. Take the time and space you need to heal.
Reactions such as this often provide us an important opportunity to review our own process of healing and grieving a profoundly painful experience or loss. The hidden gem in the pain we experience around events that trigger these feelings is the opportunity to heal just a bit more. It is a pain akin to physical therapy that works an injured part of the body, helping it stretch and strengthen back into normal functioning.
If your symptoms do not abate on their own, you may want to consider seeking out professional help to assist you on this path of healing there are a number of therapists including myself who are adept at helping individuals who have experienced trauma as part of their spiritual journey. Find someone who fits with you and who you feel safe with.
Finally, for all of us dealing with these types of issues, I have written a song that I expresses both the pain of loss and the hopes for healing. I am sending it out with much love to my friend John and his family as they go through this very public censure from the church they were raised in.